the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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