when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
