Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
