Nicole vs. Life
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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