You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
