Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
