I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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