I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
