sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
