I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
