I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Are we still banned from the library?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
