So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
