ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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