If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
