halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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