a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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