I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
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I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!