He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
high people should be assigned attendants
you have to choose: penises or morals?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts