Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.