i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
