The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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