i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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