tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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