if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i think my cat just said my name.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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