So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
