I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
