Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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