Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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