why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
