Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
