i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
