im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
