So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
