Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
