I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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