stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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