I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you inspire me to be a worse person
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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