No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
