guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
