I CAN MOONWALK!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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