Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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