I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
