I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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