The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
