i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
