so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
