Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
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Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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