i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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