I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize