a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
