and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
