I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
