hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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