i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
