My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
