hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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