we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
