This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
