my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
