Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I could fuck to npr.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
