Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
