I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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