I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
