Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
