You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
