I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
