watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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