Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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