areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
