i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
