who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
