Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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