I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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