That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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