____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Need sex. Gaining weight.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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