i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
