I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
