woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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