Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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