I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
