Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
