Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
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New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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